trust Him in the shadow of His wings

ok...

so at this present moment i feel like i relate to job, not in his extreme but extreme enough for me.

i can see a pretty "obvious" reason why God is taking things from me and

why He is asking me to do very uncomfortable things,

He wants me to grow.

buttttttttt....

(that's me being annoyed)

did you know that as soon as 1 of the 3 messengers was done reporting the damages of one area in job's life another would come in and tell him another area that was just lost!

that just blows soup!

before all of the poop that happened in his life satan had come to God and he didn't ask

God if he could mess with job...GOD offered him the chance to do so.

when i read this it didn't hit to hard...

i just took it as "yeah God will do that every now and then",

well guess what???

satan came a second time!

and ya know what God did???

yep you guessed it, He offered job again!

this whole concept started to REALLY sink in...i mean REALLY sink in deep!

sunday i was challenged by my heros/ "mentors"with the concept of

the purpose of life.

well that's easy "to love and know my God and bring Him all the glory!"

does it ever once mention my happiness?

...nope.

sounds jacked right...

nope.

i have "known" this for several years, and now God's giving me the opportunity to

really trust Him on a even deeper level.

it's like as soon as you get trusting Him with all in your life He takes you to another level of trust.

i know it is worth it and i will RUN and STRIVE after that, 

but i am gonna be honest with you...

it HURTS...

i have not once hurt this bad in my entire life

....not once, till now.

but

but...

if this pain brings God glory in the end...

well then it's worth it, 

worth every tear i have cried and heartache i have felt in this time of my life.

this is the hope i cling so desperately to right now

...i certainly do not "feel" it yet, but i will not stop, till there is no breath left in these lungs i will strive.

...i am in LOVE with GOD.

He holds my life in His hands and i give Him that control,

to do what He wills with my future.

"Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?"Job talking to his wife in chapter 2

"Remember that my life is but a breath." Job speaking to his "friend" in chapter 7

"Your hands shaped me and formed me. Will You now turn around and destroy me? Please remember that You formed me like clay. Will You now return me to dust?" chapter 10 Job responding to a "friend's" comment

it says in chapter 1 in the 2nd sentence of Job that: "he was a man of perfect integrity, who feared God and turned away from evil."
soooo... he didn't do anything wrong/deserve the "punishment" he was receiving,
not saying that I have not done anything wrong...
but when things start to "fall apart" in my life, i ask "What was I doing wrong?"
yeah...this has definitely gone through my mind almost everyday for the past 4 weeks.

it is a daily and almost hourly battle that i have to fight.
the lie- "that i need to fix things
in my life as  a result of something that has gone "wrong"...i must have failed somewhere."
but that is not always the reasoning for things to "fall apart".
God is faithful-this doesn't mean He always brings happiness......
i have prayed that He would refine me through the flames for the past 2 years...
He's answering that prayer, again.

to God be ALL the Glory!